Why Blizzard Won’t Give You An Estimated Vanilla Release Date

Wow classic release date

And it’s for your own good.

We all want it, but it’s not coming until it’s official.

Now you may be saying, “But Donut – if they gave us a date and then changed it by a week or two, I wouldn’t be mad! I just need sweet release and some hope in this current wretched life I’m living without Vanilla WoW.”

I’ll say something I haven’t said in a long time: BLIZZARD KNOWS BETTER THAN YOU IN THIS SITUATION.

Here’s why. If you’re looking forward to Vanilla WoW, then you most likely played it back in 2004-2006. If you played back in 2004-2006, you probably were a teenager. If you were a teenager in 2004-2006, you are now in your mid-twenties or early thirties. You now have a job and other responsibilities.

Image result for baby shark meme
Like listening to Baby Shark on repeat

And you probably have taken one week vacation already, leaving two left. One is for Christmas or an ayahuasca retreat to fix your Vanilla WoW-less life.

Now, imagine Blizzard says “Vanilla will most likely release on July 28th”. The world goes insane. You submit your vacation request. Your boss makes sure you are covered, and you quiver with excitement.

On July 14th Blizzard now says “we ran into some unexpected boar-phasing issues. We now promise to deliver Vanilla on August 7th“.

Even if you have more than one-week vacation banked (or live in a country that cares about its workers), this is not good. Imagine the shit-storm of angry fans who probably can’t switch their time-off. Blizzard knows this and they want you to have a good time. It seems odd, but we are dealing with the good ol’ “Blizzard Polish” (this part of their current site reads like a satire article in 2019), aka Release When Ready, which we haven’t seen in forever.

Blizzard says things are on track, so we should know the release date 30-45 days in advance. If you’re worried about a short time frame/telling your boss you’re about to relive your childhood, here are some tips:

  • Begin hinting a family member “is on their last legs” and summer could be passing time (protip: buy a pet centipede to avoid lying and then kill it when we have a release date because why in the fuck were these things created).
  • If we hit early July with no news – quickly take on extra work and overload yourself. If there is a short runway before Vanilla launches, you can claim you need a “mental health” break and submit your vacation. (protip: YOU PROBABLY NEED A MENTAL HEALTH BREAK ANYWAYS).

Let’s continue to put our faith in the Vanilla WoW team, and next week we will be covering “how to train your body for the optimal Vanilla experience”.


Leave a Reply